Husband and I got engaged in August 2000, on my 21st birthday. It was a great day. We planned a wedding for September of 2001. I would have graduated from college by then, and he would be almost done. We had been dating for two years. From our first date we both knew this was a long-term deal (he was telling people he was going to marry me before we even had our first real date!). We both said we wanted to wait until marriage to be intimate. However, the temptation proved more difficult than expected. We were in denial about what we were doing. In January of 2001 I took my first pregnancy test. It was positive. You'll note that January 2001 was before our planned wedding date of September 21 (or 22nd, I can't remember now), 2001.
As expected, our reaction was one of sorrow, fear, confusion, etc. We knew we had to tell our parents and that they would be disappointed. Before we told them, though, we told our priest. We went to the Catholic Campus Center at UNT and talked to the great Fr. Bob. The first thing he said when we told him was "Praise God." What a gift for two very anxious people. We then also talked to Fr. Gene, who was leading a Bible Study but finished while we were still there. Since he was the priest who was going to officiate at our wedding, we wanted to talk to him about what to do. He immediately counseled us to get married at a J.P. so that our child would come home to her parents united in marriage. So, we got married for the first time on February 16, 2001.
I had already bought my beautiful white dress and veil. I had the perfect shoes. We had made plans. What would happen to my church wedding? More important than the dress and all that was our desire to be married in the Catholic church. Fr. Gene assured us we could do that, after the baby was born. Knowing this was a great relief to us both, and our parents (I think). Normally we would have to wait at least a year after the birth of the child, but Fr. Gene made an exception for us. I guess since we were engaged when I got pregnant he knew we were not marrying just for the sake of the child. It just so happened that our first wedding was on a Friday. So, the next year we could get married on the same date, but on a Saturday. So we did. We got to have our traditional Catholic wedding Mass on February 16, 2002. It was a beautiful day and I'm so glad we got to do it.
We count from 2001, of course. Someday we will have to face our children and discuss the choices we made. I worry about explaining how important it is to wait, when we did not. I don't want Princess to ever feel like we regret having had her. But I do want them all to know what God intends for us, and how doing things in the right order would have been better and easier. I don't look forward to the challenge, but I will approach it with honesty and lots of prayer. So, just in case you thought I was perfect (ha ha), now you know the truth. We just celebrated our 7th anniversary this year and are blessed to be able to say each day has been better than the last. We can make mistakes and know that our loving Father is waiting for us to turn to Him in contrition so that he can shower us in His grace and mercy.
There's the story of the two weddings. Was it what you expected?
17 comments:
What a nice story.
Yes, but only because we're friends. :)
I love that Fr. Bob had that reaction and that Fr. Gene was there to offer such sound advice. I love them!
And it all worked out. You two are very grounded in your love to each other and your devotion to the Church is an inspiration to us.
Not what I expected -- it was better :) This is a great story, and somehow I think it will end up working out in your favor as the kids grow. God can always work good from a situation :)
We all make mistakes. Some have more public consequences, but they all hurt. It made things more difficult in the beginning, but God forgives, and now when you speak to your teenagers, you speak with real authority. I suppose there are much worse things for a kid to discover than that her parents who were already engaged anyway got a little ahead of themselves...
You made a mistake and upon learning about it turned to a priest and figured out how to proceed forward and you're worried about having to tell this to your children? I think it is a great story/life experience with wonderful lessons in life and faith.
I second everything Daddio said and I agree with Aimee that "God can always work good from a situation." He already has in so many ways. Many blessings to you Nichole.
Funny. My story is almost identical expect for the dates! We got engaged on December 19, 1997 and were planning a summer wedding. I had already bought the dress when I found out I was pregnant...so we quickly married on April 18, 1998 - 10 yrs ago! To make the math seem even more skewed, our son decided to be born 6 weeks early. (little booger!)
When we converted April 2004 to Catholicism, this was the thing that made me sick at my stomach to share with Fr. Michael during confession. He made me feel soooo much better. You're right. There is such grace and mercy just waiting for us.
I hope that we approach the subject with our son in the same manner in which you mentioned. I struggle with the "do as I say not as I do" scenario. I do pray he will always know how much of a blessing he has been to our life!
What a great story you have :)
What a lovely, lovely story...and I adore the reponse your priest gave you upon learning you were expecting. I think your story is a beautiful one of true love...your children are blessed. :)
Thank you for sharing such a personal story, Nicole. When I read Catholic mommy blogs it's difficult to imagine all of you as less than perfect. Your story just reminds me of the many commonalities we all share in this life. Thanks again.
I didn't realize your Church wedding date was one year exactly to the day from your JP wedding. We too had two weddings -- our "social" wedding with friends and family and our church convalidation later for just us. What we have always felt is that weddings are wonderful and monumental, but our commitment and love to each other goes back much farther than either of our wedding dates. :) I think that -- the commitment and love -- is what your children see and will continue to see long after they are adults.
You two have a great story and your children will see that. I often worry over the time when our children become older and I have to be honest with them about choices I made in the past, but all I can do is give it to God and leave it up to him, because I know I will surely fail!
Wow! I have such a similar story. My hubby and I weren't married when we got pregnant although had been dating for several years. It was 2001 and I was 21. We had to tell our priest in our Greek Orthodox church. We did get married when I was 23 weeks pregnant so that we would be married by the time the baby came. We just celebrated our 7 year anniversary this April and struggle with the same issues of how to tell them when they get older.
It's so nice to know someone else is going through the same things!!
Great story! I was thinking as I read it about how the priest this past weekend really made the point about how imperfect St. Peter was as a man...even denying Jesus 3 times...yet he was the first Pope! So can know that we will fall but that the Lord can still use us for His glory if we let Him! Wow! God is so good!
Wow, that's quite a story.
OH sweet Fr. BOB! I used to work at the Catholic Center at UNT, back in the mid '90's while I went there. I loved him.
Thanks for telling us your story. No one is perfect and God knew what he was doing with your lives.
Okay, fine, I'll share. When my husband and I got engaged, there was no worrying about our getting pregnant - because we contracepted! So I got to wear the white dress on the date originally set. Ironic, huh? I will say this, though. It was during our engaged encounter that we learned about virtue behind NFP and decided to begin our married lives for the better. We've been using NFP, now, for almost 7 years to both avoid and achieve one pregnancy. When I think back on our pre-marriage days, I feel bad for the few times we chose our will over God's and magnified that choice with contracepives, but I do thank God for bringing us back to the fold before our wedding day.
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